Survival in the snowy woods when you've been caught in a bear trap with your smart phone.

Just walking the dog up the hill in the snow
I had little warning as to how it would go.
A metal grating sound and a cold crisp feeling
I was out of my head and the pain had me reeling.
A bear-trap vice was eating into my leg
I texted and called and sent a jpeg.
"My leg is stuck and I can't get out :(
Sophie is barking so loud that I don't need to shout."

What tools do I need to get this thing off?
My swiss army knife is as useless as golf.
Distracted by the thought but my leg's still bleeding
I look up some first aid on the phone and I'm reading.
The advice that's given is EVACUATE
Real helpful assholes, I can't even see straight!

Got in touch with a neighbor which I thought was good news
But the guy was drowning his holiday sorrows in booze.
I got a text in reply from my good buddy Dan,
"I'm on my way with a grinder to save you my man! :)"
That was a relief as my senses were fading
I passed out from blood loss with the thought of just waiting.

I woke up in the nation's "Hospital of the year,"
They had amputated my leg and cut off my ear.
"Sorry about the ear," the nurse said with regret,
"The doctor still hasn't got your diagnosis right yet."
Diagnosis? I thought, and saw where my foot used to be,
My leg was stuck in a trap, seems obvious to me.

So the hospital of course, is of dubious distinction
But I guess the smart phone deserves some attention.
Had I got caught without it I might have lost my life
Or at least ended up like the guy who cut off his arm with a knife.